My Journey to Everywhere - Lesson 1

Location:

Baton Rouge, LA:      

Lesson:

You have to go through it to get to it

Teacher:

My nephew Patric

Back Story:

When I was growing up, my Mother and her family were famous for witticisms and cliché sayings.  Many made sense like “six of one kind, half a dozen of another” and others did not - like “shitting in one hand and wishing in the other.” But, that is how I was raised; between the words of ancient wise southern women.

Somewhere along the way, my Mama, or Granny…somebody said in response to troubled times “you have to go through it to get to it.”  I remember hearing this as a child and conjuring imagery of trudging through a muddy field or walking barefoot in the snow to school. Like many lessons along this trip, I underestimated the power and depth of the words.  My capacity to understand was related to my experience at the time.  This lesson allowed me to look at my past and update my understanding based on my life today. Right now.

Dawning:

My nephew is one of the coolest dudes I know. He’s amazingly talented and can build, fix and do almost anything. He’s done more in his 20-something years than I would have dreamed.  He’s lived in LA building movie sets, worked for the Santa Fe Opera living commune style with artists and creative and had his own business in Baton Rouge, LA working on movies like “Pitch Perfect”. He’s also human. And with that comes with tremendous pain, joy, trials and emotions. But I’m not here to tell his story because it’s his.

He is also restoring a 100+ year-old house. Basically alone. I’ve watched him on social media and through daily texts move forward NO MATTER WHAT. He’s crawled under his house to rewire only to find plumbing in need. He’s fixed the plumbing only to cut through the wire he JUST put in. He’s installed vintage sinks only to find someone cracked it. And he had a toilet in his basement that somebody came in and took. It’s not been easy.

One thing Patric has continued to do, though, is to get through it. Because he sees the larger picture of getting to it.

It really is not a straight path. And sure I knew it somewhere up in the shit shack that is my head….but it did not drop to my heart until I watched him walk through everything and just keep walking.

The thing is, even when things seem to be going sideways or backward, they really are not. Even the “do-overs” are forward movement because that’s how time moves, and more importantly, you get the chance to apply learning, experience, and wisdom the second or third time you are “wiring your house” again.

IF you want the house renovated, you MUST go through it to get to it. You must fix and re-fix. You must buy pieces and parts a couple of times and you must learn to give away what no longer fits (like the pink #terlet) in exchange for the claw foot tub that makes your heart sing.

I am a giant house. I have many nooks and crannies and with any luck, I will exchange paneling for wallpaper and wallpaper for some cool artistic mural.

If I allow myself to get frustrated because I didn’t do it right the first time or it takes much longer than I thought or I (heaven forbid) NEED HELP doing it, then I am my own unfinished house. I am the one who has to live with the drafty holes and shoddy wiring. The only person any of that hurts is me. I AM MY OWN HOUSE. And I can stay broken, breaking, bleeding or I can go through it to get to it. If my choices are:  sitting in it, overtly trying to burn down the house, or buying a table saw even if I have NO idea how to use it….then so be it. 

I also realized the IT is the hardest part. People can understand the pain side and they can see the outcome side if they have done their own work. But when you are in your own personal IT – it can feel very very alone.  So I work hardest on the space between the going through and getting to and the IT will be ok if I do the work.

Thanks Patric. You were my first beautiful lesson and I love you.

#recovery #roadtrip #wedorecover #recoveroutloud #myhouse #fixit #nephew #family #28days #epicadventure #selfdiscovery